TEAR DOWN YOUR PERFECT WORLD - ENGLISH VERSION
by karcris
Summary: A new person appears in the life of the writer by which he begins to feel something more than just lust but the singer was taken several times to the limit and begins to show some strange behaviors that embarrass him and put Yuki's life at risk on several occasions , despite that, the writer refuses to leave it. Whose life will collapse first?
1. Chapter 1

"I regret, honestly, the translation errors there may be. I'm from Argentina and my English is not enough for a translation of my own. Thank you for reading!"I regret, honestly, the translation errors there may be. I'm from Argentina and my English is not enough for a translation of my own. Thank you for reading!I regret, honestly, the translation errors there may be. I'm from Argentina and my English is not enough for a translation of my own. Thank you for reading!

CHAPTER 01

The night was too cold to be on the street, but that did not matter, the enigmatic writer who had been known worldwide under the pseudonym Yuki Eiri went for a walk to clear his mind in a bar. No matter how famous he was, he still did not achieve his goal. With his latest novel released to the market, he had received a great recognition, quite unpleasant by the way, as "The prince of the light novel" according to criticism. Who would know how that title began, but the journalists quite lazy to find out about the truth, had echoed those words and repeated them like demonized parrots, not enough with it hiding behind old phrases like "Not everything that is popularly sold, it is the best. "

In the scene, a new young man had appeared and many claimed that the talent he possessed was much better than his own, or at least that he could overcome it at any moment. At the beginning he thought that they were ravings of the people who envied his success, it was not because he believed himself superior ... although some of that also had but he was not going to deny that he managed to stay on top for quite some time and especially in the last one he had achieved an advantage important, even, about his imitators. Style he used, a style they copied almost blatantly.

But speaking of that boy, he could not deny that his writing had much of a poet and in a country like Japan, poetry was highly appreciated since feudal times, where women and men of high society were revealed in endless nights writing poetry and drinking sake. But in addition, he had a certain gift for telling stories that he would not have thought of even in the craziest dreams, although he suspected that the reason why they compared him, too, was the boy's good resemblance, it was not as beautiful as the blonde but it was striking enough.

The advantage of being beautiful where most of the intellectuals are not, he always saw that as a disadvantage. The writers did not take it seriously, they said he sold more because of his love scandals and that his partner was a male singer with a rising career. Whenever he saw an interview by a famous writer or crossed them at the fairs where his books were presented, he was treated politely by other authors but never went beyond that.

\- You're still thinking too much. - A familiar voice took him out of his reverie. - You should not give him more importance than they deserve. - He said as he pointed to the barman asking for a beer for himself.- You said you would stop drinking because your boyfriend scolds you too much.

\- Yes, good . - He answered looking at the beer in his glass while he ran his fingers through the mouthpiece. - I do not think everyone can comply with what they say.

Dark brown eyes settled on him with a knowing smile that gently creased his features. Tachibana was a man around forty, a mature man who inspired confidence. The first meeting they had at the bar was not something really worth mentioning, they were always there occasionally and they started to say hello, who knows why and with the weeks that passed the greeting became conversations. Simple talks in which both spoke about their problems with each other. He had discovered that Tachibana was an administrative officer who had recently divorced and had gone to the bar to think about what he would do with the custody of his six-year-old daughter, the lawyer had not been very optimistic about his case. At first he thought he was a drunk but over time he understood that he preferred to be at the bar rather than in an empty house.

-What happened this time? - He asked.- Couple problems?

\- Something like that. - He admitted, while turning the glass. That night he had shouted at Shuichi telling him some cruel things, but honestly today he was not in the mood to put up with his lover. Not after pressing his head for some idea that was original but in which he did not notice his desperation to copy the style of another author, for that reason he had refused to finish reading the books of the young man they talked about so much.

His cell phone rang and he realized that it was already eleven thirty at night. He knew who he was before looking at the caller ID.

-What? - He said reluctantly.

\- Eiri, where are you? - Shuichi's uncertain voice asked.

\- I'm at the bar. - On the other side there was a pause and that bothered him internally, he did not know why but Shuichi's jealousy sometimes overwhelmed him, sometimes the boy raved a little more. Surely many times he believed that he left exclusively to look for someone else. - Do you feel relieved that he is not with another woman?

Tachibana posed a surprised sight in Eiri to twist her mouth a bit in disapproval. Internally Eiri also sent him to the devil at that time, that he was a person with whom he chatted occasionally, did not give him the right to immerse himself in the relationship.

-Is not that. - Stuttered. - Will you come? Shuichi asked in a voice that was no more than a trickle.

-Don't wait for me awake.

There was a new pause but neither did he wait for an answer before cutting. Eiri looked at Mr. Tachibana again, he had to admit to himself that he had already drunk enough for four hours. He said goodbye with a nod without words staggering slightly towards the exit and heard the voice of the drunkard telling him not to drive, in a low voice replied "I'm not stupid enough to do that."

He walked through the neighborhood where most of the hotels were for the night and maybe he would take a couple of prostitutes, he thought gracefully that at least in sex he did have a lot of imagination. This time I did not have the desire, nor the time to woo young people so that later they ended up doing the difficult ones. I also did not feel like going back to the apartment and playing Shuichi with the loving boyfriend. This time I wanted pure sex with no chatter.

He searched the corners through which he passed, there was a group near the entrance to a club halfway down the block. Coloradas, blondes, morenas paraded their way saying repeated phrases, it seemed that all studied the same script that translated into "Hello handsome, you want to fuck? Do you have enough money to take me?" while they raised their chests with their hands to show off the merchandise and pressed their lips to the trunk that made them look ridiculous. Eiri knew quite well that place in Tokyo and had some prostitutes that he used with some regularity, let's say he knew some VIP places where "luxury prostitutes" were offered, who were looking for tourists, cheated them and sometimes robbed them. There were others who were models or singers that nobody knew and hoped to get connections, and other women, to whom their times of splendor had gone through some scandal.

They were not much better than those on the streets, but at least most of them were not all stuck to some kind of drugs, he personally preferred that they did not consume any but he did not care what they did with their bodies, always there would be another to replace the previous one. Seeing these women always reminded him that beauty fades.

As soon as he entered the club, the air was vitiated by a mixture of smoke, body heat and confinement, which made his eyes and nose prick. He looked around the place, drawing people's attention as they noticed it. He did not have to wait long until a pretty, pretty young blonde girl insinuated himself from the bar, and he was not the type to resist such temptations. He did not have to go with excuses, he knew what he had gone to look for and because of the girl's clothes and the caresses she gave to the buttons of his shirt with a smile on her lips she knew that was what she had to offer .

As soon as the dawn sun hit his pale face he tried to move, noticing a weight on his back and an arm at his waist that prevented him from moving. He tried to sink his face into the pillow to continue sleeping, but it smelled horrible. Memories of the previous night came to his mind, unfortunately he did not remember much more since they went up to the hotel room with the blonde and they drank. Fuck! Now I would have to pay for sex that I did not even remember well that I would have had, but I could assure you that after all they were naked just covering themselves with the sheet and felt the humidity in their lower part. He hoped at least not to have been a disappointment, it was not as if it really mattered, but his pride kept insisting with the thought. He reached out to reach for his pants where he could see the cell phone in his pocket. He rubbed his eyes and tried to focus his eyes on the screen, as he sat free of the arm that held him.

He received the image of Shuichi smiling as he took his arm, a wallpaper that he probably placed when he found an opportunity, at that moment the guilt hit him so hard that he wanted to be by his side. She put on her clothes with some haste in a silent way, wanting to avoid the uncomfortable morning chat, she took her wallet and left a little more money than agreed.

He arrived at the apartment and Shuichi turned to look at him almost immediately from the kitchen, apparently he was washing the dishes by the sound of running water, although it was strange to find him doing that, they had reached an agreement that if they used a cover after using it they had to wash it to maintain a minimum of order in the house since due to the work of each one they did not have so much time. But it was the weekend and this time neither of them had any commitments.

Eiri approached to see him in silence, could notice the tension in the singer who turned his eyes to the dishes in front of him.

\- I thought you were not going back.

-It's seven in the morning. His voice was conciliatory, even to himself . "I told you to sleep.

He stirred when he heard those words, leaning his arms out on the counter, with a certain weariness. " I could not do it. He tried to remain calm but the tremor in his voice betrayed the anguish he must have felt all night.

The blonde cut the distance that separated them by taking him by surprise at the waist and approached his ear, he could feel the singer's struggle between standing or surrendering to his touch, had closed his eyes to not see it but Eiri could assure that they were reddened

-We go to bed, today you do not have to work, right?

\- You did not have enough last night? He claimed, after saying it, seemed to remember the source of his suffering and struggled to break free of the writer's arms. -Let go.

"No," he said, pressing himself harder against the boy , he smelled Shuichi's neck. It smelled of a mixture of fruity perfume and the particular smell of it. Shuichi continued struggling with a sob that the blond knew he had been holding.

-Let go.

-No. - He repeated the answer firmly, sticking more. He knew that sometimes he liked to refuse but always ended up yielding, like a game.

-I'm not playing, you suck Eiri! - yelled the pelirosa stopping struggling when the blond loosened the grip almost slowly releasing it. The legs of the singer trembled so much that he returned to hold on to the counter. The blond released him completely taking a few steps back, it was as if he had slapped him, Shuichi remained with his head down.

-I'll go for a shower.- Feeling some shame for not having been a little more considerate with your partner. -After ... we'll go to bed. - I knew it was stupid to insist on it, but it would be more stupid for him to admit that he had missed his heat . -I'm sure you did not sleep at all, right?

He remained for a while looking at the small figure who did not turn to look at him, waited a moment but seeing no reaction he walked to the room taking a change of clothes to sleep and went straight to the bathroom. He opened the tap waiting for the water to heat up and at that moment he heard the entrance door closed in the distance.

-Shuichi? - He called almost inaudibly, went to the room but it was already empty.

The relationship was falling apart, the neighbors were tired of hearing their daily fights. He was still surprised that the boy had endured so much. Everything had been an explicit agreement from the beginning, he knew that Eiri would not give up his libertine life and the singer had agreed to stay with him forever, as long as the writer told him to do so. Up until now it had been two years and the situation seemed not to have changed from the beginning.

Several times the ojiambar in some discussions had told him to look for a girlfriend or a lover, so he would not be on top of him all the time. He knew that Shuichi would not do it and the singer also knew that he would not ... because both knew the truth behind the words, Eiri wanted to diminish the guilt of being the only one of the two that had lovers outside the relationship of both .

He finished bathing and walked to the studio, first of all and still worrying, he called the guitarist's house, Hiro, who shouted at him to kill him and finally calm down and tell him that Shuichi was there. The writer never lost his arrogant and cold tone, but before hanging up he told her that he would go through it at night.

He did several things to make the time pass a little faster. Lately he felt more restless than usual, he had always had a latent fear that Shuichi could not stand his behavior and abandon him. He did not want to admit that more than afraid to be left alone, what he really was afraid of was that it was Shuichi who left him alone.

It was still early, they had spent 5 hours in the house in absolute silence so he decided to call Thouma his brother-in-law, ex-keyboardist of Nittle Grasper and owner of NG Shuichi's boss. He invited him to come by his house in the afternoon to chat. Will Shindou be there? He asked with some annoyance in his voice, still did not understand why the deep hatred of his brother-in-law for his lover but one thing was for sure ... he hated it. Sometimes they argued because the owner of NG filled his mouth with shit when he talked about Shuichi and when he confessed that he was unfaithful, it seemed that Thouma was more than happy and he knew that if he proposed it, his brother-in-law would be, person who would cover up his crime.

\- I do not think that guy was for you. I still do not understand why you're still with him.

-Thouma I've heard that several times already, do not you think?

His brother-in-law grimaced in disgust. - Mika believes the same ... until Thatsuha has begun to believe it.

That surprised the writer enough. - Why? I thought Thatsuha liked him.

\- No. It's Ryuchi that he likes Shuichi and you know how Thatsuha is when it comes to Ryuchi . - He frowned a little - Listen Eiri, that guy is not like you think he is.

"Why?" He fixed his amber eyes like daggers.

-Eiri ... we only want the best ... he understands .- The president of NG dropped his cup and knelt to be closer to his protégé.

\- And Shuichi is not enough for me? Is that?

\- No, no, no. Eiri. Tell me, why did that boy get into your house by force and you're practically living as maintained by you?

-Do you think I do not know who I'm living with? He asked with obvious annoyance, ignoring what his brother-in-law said to him. " I did not invite you to offend my partner in my house. A person who is not here to defend himself, whatever you are accusing him of.

\- Eiri ...- He called trying to pacify the waters .- That guy works but never brings anything right?

\- Are you saying that Shuichi is only with me for money?

The older blond looked at him with some regret. He did not want to argue about the singer and win the hatred of his brother-in-law, he never heard of reasons when it came to Shindou. He smiled at her with some sadness and resignation. " You're right, maybe I'm exaggerating.

They took the coffee that the writer and the cakes had prepared, they spoke about unimportant subjects trying to forget the previous discussion, as always the problems seemed to be covered like garbage under the carpet. When he fired his brother-in-law he decided that enough time had passed for the singer to reflect on his attitude, because for him he did not really think he should feel some guilt. It's not like I've hidden something from him, it's not like I've lied to him.

When he approached Hiro's house, Shuichi was already at the door waiting for him as he had so many times before. He could not prevent a smile from escaping, whenever they separated for a long time some part, inevitably, yielded to the other. It was something invisible, it was a gravitational force and when that happened the connection was stronger and nothing in the world felt as right as being together.

While they traveled, none spoke, it was another of the things implicit in the relationship, no part should be given glory for the victory or defeat of the other, because in the end would not admit that they had missed. They had a quick dinner while pretending to watch television, avoiding the questions that really had to be asked ... doing that was just waiting for a time bomb to break out between them.

The amethyst eyes were swollen and could barely stay in the light because of the burning. The blonde walked to the kitchen and looked for some cold understanding, approached Shuichi and without much more than a "let me see" hugged him with one of his arms pulling him to his chest without finding resistance while the other covered his eyes, without doing a comment. He had cried for him, how long would he have cried for him? How long would it have missed him? the writer asked himself while at times some sobbing escaped him.

The writer hugged him tightly and drowned the singer's cry with his own mouth. He kissed him, soft but firm, without stopping. A salty kiss of warm tears. The singer clung tightly to his arms and Eiri arranged him so that he could lift him up to take him into the room. He left it on the bed, while the blonde took off his shoes and shirt, Shuichi remained still following his movements with his eyes.

-I do not want to do it Yuki. - He prayed.

When he took off his shirt, he smiled at her. " I'm not a super man, Shuichi. I just want to sleep hugging my partner. -Shuichi smiled at her as she wiped her nose. Although it was not necessary. He asked .- Can I?

Laughing, she nodded pinkly several times, began to take off her clothes until she was in her underwear. Shuichi lay down looking towards the wall and behind him the writer hugging him, but even when he turned off the light the child's body did not relax at all.

-You're thinking very hard, you will not let me sleep. -The writer said in a tired voice. There was a long pause before I heard a whisper but it was clear and audible by the silence of the room.

-I have a lover.

The blonde took a deep breath before answering. - What do you work on?

-It's ... an entrepreneur.

Eiri smiled in the darkness, he knew it was a lie. -I did not know you were a Snob. Could not it be ... I do not know, a grocer or a street artist?

-I'm serious, Yuki.- He said turning looking into the darkness where his face should be.

-I know, I know.- He said without hiding the amusement in his voice.- If he has a lot of money or an inheritance, we can swindle him together.

Shuichi remained silent as if disappointed by the writer's reaction.

-Well ...- Eiri said following him in the game, hugging him harder against his chest and tangling his legs. Maybe it was more beneficial for him if he followed the game, this time he would let him win. - If you have a lover, that means that there will not be so many claims of attention for me, right?

At the beginning of the new day more than the lighting of the room was aroused by the tingling of his arm, he had fallen asleep hugging the singer and he was on his arm. He tried to move his body a little to free himself without waking him, after yesterday he must have been more than tired. He looked so cute even though it was a disaster to sleep.

Shuichi always said that when he slept he seemed like the magazine models when they pretend that they do it, instead Shuichi was restless and woke up in different positions even when he was very tired, he snored and many times he was kicked. Every time he woke up his hair seemed to have gone through a hurricane, it seemed that he slept so deep that he had no worries but when he got up he did it like a spring, full of energy and he never stopped doing things.

She remembered that she had disconnected the phone during the middle of the week and had not reconnected it, although she had called him on her cell phone and gone to her apartment, she managed not to face it. He thought with some evil that he had already tortured his editor Mizuki enough and that he would call her just that day, just on his day off.

-You really are my executioner.- She said on the other side of the phone and amused the writer replied that he had only needed time without pressure to look for new ideas. He explained that this time he wanted to write something different, with a deeper meaning.

-Sensei. You know you should not let yourself be guided by what others write, you should not lose your personal touch. That boy ... Takeda Minako, he's only compared to you because he's young and good-looking. He is also talented and original, but the sales of his book have not the slightest comparison with the sales of his own. Do you know why? Because the books of that boy are elaborate and complicated, so much so that readers who do not want to waste time in reflecting on each fact and many subjects, find it tedious. It is not bad that it is popular, unfortunately today with the information on the Internet, if there is something that you like from the beginning you can easily choose something else that does.

After that talk the writer began to reflect on that, his work was not mediocre and he looked at the door. If he had it that hard, then how did Shuichi have it then? Months of work depended on a song of little more than three minutes, if that did not please then all the work was thrown away. There was no mercy for the artists and there were no considerations on the part of those who one day admired you and the next day they admired a new artist, they were not cases of "customer loyalty".

A banging behind the door brought him out of his thoughts. "Yuki, are you there?" The blond laughed, thinking how it was possible that he always knew when he thought of him. "Yes. I'm here." Shuichi told him it was okay that he thought he had left because he could not see the light under the door.

-Entra Shuichi.

The boy opened the door without moving from his place and the blond made a signal to him to approach, when he had it close enough he pulled him on his lap surprising him, the boy's back against the writer's chest. The shock on his face was evident, especially when he buried his nose in his neck.

\- Tell me Shuichi. What is the new album you're writing about?

-Do you really wanna know?

The boy's voice was surprised and no doubt excited, the writer did not respond but nodded affirmatively with his face.

-It's like always ... a love story, it starts with a song that is the confession of a geiko.

\- It's not very original that we say .

Shuichi smiled with a look that gave him to understand that there was something more than what it seemed.- It is never said in the song specifically but the Geiko makes a promise in which if her lover returns to her then she will stop doing services to the mens. He sighed loudly before continuing.

-Let me guess ... he never comes back for her .

Pelirosa nods. - No. But he decides that he does not want to look beautiful to any man and tragically tears his eyes.

That really surprised the writer. - Why the eyes?

-Because in the following songs I explain that she does not want to see things that she does not want to believe. He does not want to be dazzled again by beauty.

\- Is not it very tragic for a pop artist?

He laughed lightly. - There the story does not end, one day a musician arrives at that place and manages to make him see things in the middle of his blindness, you know, with his voice. He was a man much older than her and he was not handsome, but he was kind and kind. They both fall in love and she admits that if she had not been blind, she could never have seen the goodness inside that man.

-I see you struggled a lot this time.- The boy smiled proudly. -What happens if your fans do not like it?

\- Everything can happen. - He said while almost absentmindedly stroking the writer's arm. - The last album was not as good as we expected, it finished in 17th place on the Japanese charts. Eiri knew, he had seen Shuichi quite depressed at the time.

-What do you think could have happened?

-They said that this album sounded the same as the previous two and that none of them had a really interesting background to analyze. - He smiled at him this time with some bitterness. Now we gave him a good background to analyze, we only hope that the melodies that accompany the songs do not ruin him.

-Why would they do it?

-Because ... to tell this story we need to lower the pace and put more passion. They would not sound so ... danceable anymore, but we want them to take us seriously. It is risky to take a new sound but we have to do it.

That touched the writer in a certain way, turned the face of the hairy and rewarded him with a kiss. He would never tell her that this attitude was what most appealed to him.

-What is it that worries you Yuki? - He said while caressing the blonde hair and the face of Eiri. The writer knew that was the way to comfort him. - You are talented and beautiful.

The writer grimaced in the last comment, his face had nothing to do with talent.

\- It may take time but you know that at the moment least thought an idea will come to your mind. I just think you should take the idea with which you feel safe and take the risk, if you fail. What does it matter? You fought for what you were sure was the right thing to do, try to get out of your comfort zone a bit. What you want most is to be recognized by your circle of writers, rather than readers, right? -Eiri nodded .- Then ... if you have any idea that is not about romance write it, insist with the publisher to publish it. There are many genres to explore.

\- Since when did you become a motivator? - He asked with some amusement.

\- Since I touched the bottom I realized that I could have gotten even deeper. If I was in the 17th position, how should the one who is in position 100 feel? or ... How should one feel that he did not get to be among the 100 positions? -The blond thought the words .- Remember that there is always someone in the background struggling to get out and the day less thought, can overcome you.

Shuichi smiled like a child and the blonde kissed him again, unlike the first time it was full of passion that soon transformed into lust. That place he considered his sanctuary had never witnessed his passion, until now, but he believed that this time he was fine. It was Shuichi, it was his lover, his first lover could say, because he was on the others and was the only one that would allow him to do other things that no one else could.

To him he showed his tears and smiles, only he could see his honesty without wrapping him in false courtships. Shuichi was the only one who would allow him to comfort him or for whom he would let him caress his face for him after making love for a long time, because he also enjoyed those caresses. When Shuichi appeared and was about to break after a fight, the blond hugged him before he could say something, because he saw terrified that in his face he said "I have to leave you". Shuichi could not leave him and he could not do it either.

Shuichi did not refuse his touch that very rarely was like in that moment, in a gentle way. They made it slow, savoring and telling themselves true things but that the writer before dawn would deny having uttered them. I would say it was a moment of weakness ... I even had the excuse before saying the words.

-You're leaving now?

Asked the naked boy on the sofa bed that the writer used when he had to spend hours to write his novel and needed to concentrate. The blonde put on his pants, just taking a pause to admire the boy's curves, the protruding clavicles, the hips joined to his long and aesthetic candy colored legs. Shuichi turned red and shifted, under the catlike gaze. It surprised him a little, to cover his thighs quickly with the shirt he wore.

-What can I say? I have to work.

\- You already got your sexual satisfaction and now you can concentrate on work? - Said the youngest with something of mockery.- Now I'm not going to see you until you feel like eating?

-Shuichi ...- The writer said with warning and he knew that he should abandon his capricious child position if they did not want to argue. The boy apparently thought it was better not to try his luck.

-Hai ... hai ... I understood. - "Good boy" He heard the writer behind him say, I wish every day the writer was in that mood with him.

Late in the afternoon the phone that had been connected again rang, he could hear from far away that Shuichi was attending and then he walked towards his office. He knocked softly on the door before opening it, everything would have happened as if nothing were not that the boy's eyes could not find his face.

-You have a call.- He said in a monotone voice.

-Who?

-What? - He asked as if he were far away from there.

-Who? -The writer insisted.

-It's ... Mian Yue. He reached out, giving her the cordless phone. The expression of the writer was solemn, when he took the phone Shuichi stayed in the place.

-You can go. -Shuichi looked at him hesitantly to leave or stay there to listen. -Shichi ... go.

Until he did not hear Shuichi's steps away he did not think to say a single word.

-I told you not to call me here. He scolded her. " I do not want you to cross a word with Shuichi. Understand? I told you that if I did cut you when I did not take care of you.

-I called your cell phone but you did not take care of me. What did you want me to do?

-Damn! - He said when he saw his cell phone without a battery, he had not realized it was off. - What's wrong?

-I need to see you.

-It's too late, besides being a Sunday. I have no desire, no time.

-Moron! It's not because of that, do not believe so much. I just need to talk, it's something serious .

The writer touched the bridge of his nose, trying to count to ten. -Where?

-Come to my apartment.

-Shuichi is going to suspect. It was not that he really did not do it now, or that he was worried about confirming that situation, but he hated that his lovers had some control over him.

-If you do not want it to be more than a suspicion, it is best if you hurry.

-Do not threaten me.

-Then do not give me reasons to do it. Come now. - He demanded leaving the writer a humorous dog.

When he left the studio he could see Shuichi in the darkness of the living room in front of the TV watching a blind spot. He was worried, it was as if he wanted to say things to him, to claim him, but he did not do it because he was afraid that he would leave him. It was obvious that she knew who Mian Yue was ... she was just an attractive Chinese presenter who had once interviewed him ... right now, she had no reason to call him when the program for the one who worked was found out of emission.

-I'm going to leave.- The writer said watching the boy kept his chin on his knees, with lost eyes and control of the TV in his hand.- Do not stay awake, tomorrow you have to go to work.

"Are you going to take?" The pink haired man asked in a strained voice.

-Do not. And he saw a slight relief in his posture. - I'll try to come as soon as possible. So go to sleep. I'll leave the cell phone, it does not have a battery.

Shuichi frowned, he knew that was solved if he carried the portable charger. He really did not want to take it so that Shuichi would not bother him if he was late.

After twenty minutes on the road, the blonde was in front of the door of Mian Yue's apartment who wasted no time in opening the door and hugging him, with enthusiasm as if he had not seen his beloved after so long.

-I missed you. - He said on his neck that he smelled wildflowers. -Pass.

He remained serious and immutable, did not want to give the wrong impression, it was not as if he was excited to be there. He entered the place, taking in his curious gaze and could not avoid looking at her when he went to look for something to drink with a radiant smile.

-Sit down.

-Don't you tell me what was so important?

The gesture twisted in his sharp face, the joy of reunion wobbled slightly . -We can talk about that later, can not we?

-You said it was urgent.

She stopped quickly and took a few steps while wringing her hands with some pressure. He stopped as if he had found the courage and let go.

-I'm pregnant.

-What? - He said a bit stunned at the beginning, the fear invaded him ... fear that then turned into rage. - Do not tell me it's mine.

\- And who else will it be?

-I do not know ... About your husband?

-My husband? I have not seen it for three months because I'm in Japan for work and I'm two behind. - She started sobbing in despair. - What will we do? I'm two months Eiri.

He asked again and again, but Eiri's head only worked on how to get rid of the problem.

-Go back to your country and do it with him, then when the baby is born tell him it was premature.

-It's not stupid, Eiri! - She knelt down and took his arm. - What do you think is the first thing he will do? As soon as it is born, it will ask to make a DNA.

-And that?! Not my problem!

\- It's your problem as much as mine! Or you think that because there is not someone to compare the sample with, I will not say it's yours.

-Do not you dare.

The writer said as he stared at theirs like daggers. I would not know how I would do to face Shuichi if that happened. He imagined it as many times before in tears, he would know that there would be no comparison to anything that had happened before. In his head, the image of Shuichi telling him that he did not want him anymore, that he had endured too much, that he did not want to see him anymore. The image of the boy saying goodbye in the middle of a big fight and knowing that with the growing fame he had, there would be people willing to meet him ... to heal and comfort him. NO, he told himself. No, it was not an excuse for which he would be willing to lose Shuichi ... no matter what he had to do. - Tomorrow we will go to get it out.

-Motherfucker! She screamed immediately in a fit of fury.

-What the hell did you expect that would happen? Did you expect money or fame?

She turned her face hard and she just smiled again with irony. " I have money and I have fame. I can not believe that the great writer of romantic novels does not have a touch of tact when dealing with a woman. Do you think I wanted to get pregnant with you? From a writer of light novels? The blond deepened his brow, that was a low blow for him . "You're wrong, I just wanted to have a good time too. Not only men can do it, you know? - He placed himself in front of him with feigned dignity.

-Then we agree. She looked at him confused. " Neither of you wants that thing. He said pointing to her flat belly.

-You're right, neither of you wants it. But I'm not going to risk my life in one of those fake clinics. Because do not forget that I am the one who puts your body. We also run the risk of being recognized.

-I know a place, for a few bills they will not say a single word.

\- What if something goes wrong? She said, I was really afraid of doing it and the writer knew how to deal with it more . "I'm alone here, Eiri. What happens if they open their mouths?

"Everything will be fine. " He softened his gaze and offered a reassuring smile. "I've done it before.

She opened her eyes in surprise and swallowed the lump in her throat before asking. -How often?

-You are the third one. She looked at a lost spot in the room and the writer placed a hand on his shoulder. I will be with you at all times. She sank into tears and he hugged her. After a moment when he had calmed down he lifted Mian's beautiful face and faced those beautiful eyes, kissed her. Mian took it from the lapel of the jacket and pulled him closer to the room. She was desperate and needed comfort. He thought he could do it one more time, after all the worst had already happened, right?

When he finally saw her asleep, he began to think about the darkness as he changed to go back to his apartment. He called the clinic and asked for a shift with a doctor he knew well. He promised himself that if he could get through this, he would never cheat Shuichi again. He promised himself that he would be a good boyfriend and that he would never cry again.

It was late when he arrived at his house and contrary to what he expected to see, Shuichi was in the kitchen apparently washing covered.

\- Did you eat late?

-Do not. I just did not want to see the dirty cutlery. He went on talking without looking at him. -It helps me not to think.

-You were waiting for me?

Shuichi violently released the freshly rinsed silverware. - No. - He saw him support his arms and shake his head, emphasizing what he was saying. - I did not expect you to come back.

Eiri felt something strange, but he realized that he really expected that he had abandoned it. He had not come back fast as he had promised.

\- Go to sleep.

-I do not want.

-Shuichi. Tomorrow you must go to work. -The boy did not want to see him and was afraid to touch him, because he knew he would run away from any contact.

\- Stop pretending that you care about me! - He shouted in an outburst. - You go to sleep in the room, I'll sleep on the sofa. I do not want to see you today.

-Do not. -Responded ignoring the last sentence .- Go to sleep in the room, I'll sleep in the study.

-I will not discuss this Yuki. I can not sleep alone in the room.

Eiri kept watching him in silence but he knew that he should not press him when he had such tantrums. Tantrum, he thought if only he knew what had just happened was for much, much more than a tantrum.

-It's okay. - The writer said, although he knew that it was not good at all. Shuichi would just have to know that if he did not discuss that whim it was because he needed to also think about what would happen the next day.

That night he slept perfectly, surprisingly he had been so exhausted the day before that he slept very comfortably ... but there was no one beside him. Shuichi left at eight and it was already nine o'clock. He called his editor and told her that he would work on an idea, he would send it to them by mail.

She asked him to go to the publisher, just that day the "attractive young man" named Takeda Minako was there working. That surprised the writer who could not hide that he was curious to know him, he was one of the few writers who went to the publishing house to do most of his work, according to Mizuki, who was a perfectionist and who did not accept that any of the designs of the book, cover artwork, or even the size of letters will be overlooked. In addition, he preferred to make corrections at the time and not as "a certain writer," she said, emphasizing too much his taste.

-I'll go immediately.- He said in response before cutting, changing and taking his car.

In the editorial, everyone began to speak in an audible murmur when they saw the writer Yuki Eiri find his editor. The girls who worked whispered in small cries of admiration and undoubtedly giving him flirtatious looks that made him smile mentally, since he was accustomed to being the center of attention. At a point not far away he found her having a talk with another man and Takeda Minako, who was at his side. He raised his hand in greeting and she signaled him to come forward so he could present them.

When he was only a few meters away, he saw how the young man stared at him, even before arriving. Who'd say? thought the writer, the look of that boy was that of a nervous teenager.

\- Nice to meet you, Yuki Eiri.

\- I know , the boy answered almost in a whisper blushing. When he reached out to shake Minako's he felt something wet and trembling, so much so that it made him smile. He liked to know that in a certain way he was the one who bothered him.

The brown eyes were huge and dark, her brown hair fell in long beaks over her face. It was beautiful and delicate, and for that blush so obvious was not indifferent to the presence of the blond. It was a cute little gay thing.

The amber eyes fastened on him amused and silence was also made among the editors for an eternal pause. The boy's editor introduced himself but the blonde did not pay any attention to him ... Was that the Big Boy who was so respected among the new generation? Was he the one who wrote about the existentiality of the human, mixing poetry, philosophy, religion and evolution, in fiction? Without realizing it or perhaps consciously, he thought about how he could use his charm to get close to him. To know how to get to him, the young man shifted under his gaze and his cheeks turned red under his gaze. "Stop bothering him," Mizuki threatened him with gestures and clenched teeth.

-Your book was very good. I was very curious to meet the person behind that book- The writer said leaving Mizuki with his mouth open.

-Thanks.- He answered in a soft voice, before raising his head still ashamed. - I-I ... I started writing for you.

Eiri suspected that it was a lie, he had never focused on such abstract subjects ... it was obvious that he only said it to please him.

-I'm honored to hear that. With a charming smile, which dazzled everyone who saw her, she invited him to have a coffee and talk. The young man rejected him at first, but said that they could then agree to meet the next day.

-You ... can not believe that flirted like that in front of everyone.- Mizuki said first with anger and then with regret.- You ... you, You do not deserve someone like Shindou.

-Oh, come on. I'm playing. - He tried to soften the scolding, incredibly he felt in a good mood to have achieved an approach to the young prodigy of writing.

That night he went to visit the bar where he again found Tachibana already in several glasses, when he noticed his presence at his side a smile formed on his face.

-What are we doing today? - Asked the blond, while making a sign to the barman.- Celebrating or drowning sorrows?

The blonde never knew what to expect from that man, sometimes he smiled at how drunk he was even though it was a shitty day for him. Sometimes he smiled because he celebrated, but he still smiled.

-Feeling.- He said after thinking about it for a while and dragging the words more than usual.

-What happened?

-The mother of Chisato told me she wanted us to see each other again.

The blond knew he was referring to his ex-wife and their six-year-old daughter.

-Seriously? He asked with some confusion. He surprised himself at once, it was very strange that he was interested in knowing more about someone other than Shuichi.

\- We begin to see each other again, she comes and goes. But when we are together it is as if we had recovered something from what we had before.

\- But they were not doing the division of goods?

\- Yes. - He sighed . - But I think that doing this can bring us closer again. She has remained alone like me all this time, we did not separate because we would have loved her that way. It was the relationship that wore out. We are already divorced, the property agreement is almost over ... only the custody of my daughter remained. If we went back together ... everything would be fine. She looked at him and slapped him on the back that almost makes him spit out the beer. " You should propose to your lover once and for all.

Eiri drowned the words and thoughts in his beer, that she returned to his bed did not mean that he wanted Tachibana again in his life and would feel some pity for that man. Then he realized the last words the accountant had said.

-We can not get married at least not in Japan. -Said like someone who does not take seriously what they say.

\- Friend, sometimes, you must make sure that the person next to you can not easily leave.

-I do not need to do something like that. -The singer would not let him, of that he was sure.- But ... if that person wants to leave, neither a contract can prevent it.

Tachibana sighed .- No, what binds them is not a "contract", what can get to keep them is to know that you want it ... and if you do not want it What are you doing wasting time with it? It's as if you unconsciously expected me to leave you for someone else. How long do you think I can endure in an unstable relationship? You can not settle until you think you have the other person completely and let me tell you, your boyfriend does not seem to be half-hearted.

-I would love to continue listening to your advice from heart magazines, but I have something to do.

-Eiri! - He called before crossing the door. - At least let him know that you feel something for him.

He went out to get his car and called Mian Yue to tell her what would happen to her. I had to do it at that moment because it was about to rain and what looked like a storm would hover over them.

He had planned it well in advance, Shuichi was in NG and probably would not appear until dawn because he knew it was when they would record their songs, if Shuichi did not go to camps with the band as the vast majority of artists did, the only reason was Yuki. The singer preferred to go to see him very late before not seeing him, it did not matter if they were touring, it did not matter if it was the recording of a video, the composition of music with his friends and much less the exhausting recording of an album made him desist from being Far from him.

Mian Yue waited for him in a corner, dressed too normal to not be recognized and wore a huge bag. When he went up they did not say a single word, but he could see the paleness of his face, he supposed that it was like that because he did not have makeup but then discovered that because of the way he looked at the window. Not only were nerves but also fear.

-We still have a long trip. Try to relax, "he said as he watched her get into the car.

"It's easy for you to say, is not it?" She ironized.

Eiri was not good at confronting a woman like that, if the situation had been otherwise he would have insulted her. He counted up to ten to attract patience and thought of the right words. Never use the words "I know it's hard for you" that's like lighting a match in the middle of gunpowder.

-Do not. Is not easy. -She looked at him for a moment waiting for him to continue.- It's very dangerous.- He made a visual contact with her, letting her know that he was honest.- But that's why I'm here and you're not alone. I'll be with you, even after this, I'll take care of you. It does not help that right now you are a ball of nerves. -The blonde looked over the route but stretched his right hand to take hers on his lap, his attitude relaxed and tried to offer a conciliatory smile. -You are a woman with character that does not get easily scared and you have reasons to be in this moment, but we are together. Trust me.

Inwardly the writer thought that he had her where he wanted, she would do everything at that moment for him. He had been in the early morning when they arrived at the clinic and after the intervention had been unbearable complaining of pain that the nurse had said were normal and he himself could give testimonies of it. Since the two women before her had also complained too much and in the same way.

They returned to the hotel they had rented for that night, laid her down and cared for her until she fell asleep. He decided to call the singer so he would not worry ... but he was the one who found himself worried about not receiving answers. Why was not he still in the apartment? It was already four in the morning.

-Very well.- He said looking at the figure of that woman in bed. -It was good while it lasted.

With those words he ended the relationship with his lover Mian Yue. He had always been a great lover and admirer of the female figure, but it was also known that beauty did not last forever. It was replaceable, just that ... it was replaceable.

As he drove, dawn arrived, he thought he could consider it as the end of one stage and the beginning of another. He tried that the dream that invaded him did not dominate him, he was taking care of the woman all night between unbearable moans, so he had not rested at all ... but luckily he thought, she was no longer his problem. 


	2. Chapter 2

p style="text-align: left;" "Saining you can not know what real suffering /br / Until you see the tenderness turn into hatred."br /br / Candies, MIAN /br /Chapter II: Limerenciabr /br / br /br /He began to think about what he could do to reward Shuichi for the abandonment he had had to him in the last few days since Mian Yue had happened. Although the singer should not be surprised, after all, he used to disappear sometimes for days, but right now he was in the studio, he did not know why he did not find any sign that Shuichi had been at least in the room, but he tried not to give him more importance than he deserved. He threw himself in the middle of the bed and closed his eyes, which burned him, he fell asleep without realizing a couple of hours when he woke up he felt like writing but not something really to present to his editor, it was some story that he knew that the publisher I would not end up approving yet so I wanted to see it written somewhere. Surely it would be a story that would not come to any end, but experience had taught him that stories could be recycled and thus start a greater in the /br /He called again Shuichi who apologized for not having attended before but they expected to end the song that would be the new single and asked that all the time they kept the cell phones off. Eiri smiled from the other side while listening to his endless /br /-Well ... I have to go. Do not miss me! At night I'll take something for dinner and some movies ... or maybe not ... You have to /br /-Shuichi.- He interrupted the writer .- Let's go for a /br /The silence was made on the other side and he imagined it with a surprised face. - What?br /br /-We have a date.- On the other side, nothing was heard.- What's wrong? I thought you would be happy? - Finally asked with feigned /br /-I am! The startled singer shouted. "It's just ...br /br /- Do you have to go out with your lover? - He did not know why he said it, but the simple thought bothered /br /-You know that was a lie, right? - He heard it with some guilt and that made his annoyance calm /br /-I /br /-Only, we have to finish this song today, since they hope that next week we will start with interviews and the recording of the /br /-That means we can go out on the weekend, right?br /br /-Yes! - He said recovering the enthusiasm in his voice . -Now I must go Yuki, they are signaling me to cut the /br /-In agreement. Try /br /-Haiii.- He shouted before hanging /br /The apartment seemed horribly silent while Shuichi was not, when he heard the noise of the door closing the steps were running to the studio where he /br /-Yuki! I arrived. - The bright smile imbued in his face. -I tried to arrive as soon as possible so you would not miss me so /br /-Who said he was missing you?br /br /The other answered knowing that he was right but that he would not let it so easy. He got up and came to leave the studio but before he could, Shuichi smiled and ran to hug him to sink his head into the chest of the older while the blonde pretended that he did not care and took the bag from the pink-hair hands to find the Blissful /br /When they were finally full, they sat down to watch some television, he adored that brat when he showed that he had more than one neuron to think about, just as at that moment, he had bought ice cream and cones so that they could prepare them /br /-Hey ... tomorrow Will not you be out of voice? I say for eating something so cold before /br /-Are you worried about me? -The blonde frowned a perfect eyebrow and took it hard by one of his cheeks .- Yuuu..ki you´re hurting meeee!br /br /He released it and before he could let it react he kissed it. Her lips felt cold with the cream of strawberries, the boy loved everything he knew about red fruits, so much so that it seemed that the flavor never left his /br /He pulled him firmly to himself, aware of the difference in strength between them. He decided to take him to bed where he could taste it better and who knows maybe that night could show him more than kindness. They turned on the air conditioning since it was somewhat hot and they went to bed naked only covered by a /br /That night Shuichi coughed slightly but almost constantly and the next morning his voice had almost disappeared, he tried to warm up so he could sing but he did not reach the highest notes because he heard it hoarse. "You will not go to work," the writer said firmly and Shuichi, unable to protest too much, saw the moment with immense joy as the blonde told his editor that she would not go to work that morning because she would stay and take care of /br /-I think it's perfect that for once you take care of your relationship but I must remind you that Takeda does not always appear around the /br /-I thought you did not want me to approach him. -Ironized /br /-And I do not want ... but the boy came here and asked me if I knew that today he would come to take the coffee they left pending. I did not know you would not come, so I told him that you would. - The blond cursed under his breath and could see Shuichi from bed showing some concern for the tone of voice he was using. - Tell him I'll go in the /br /-All good? The singer asked in a raspy /br /-I was told they could only give me the morning, - walked to the bed sitting on the edge.- in the afternoon I have a meeting that can not be /br /Shuichi put on a disappointed expression but forced himself to smile. " No matter Yuki, at least I can have you all morning for me. She moved on the bed trying to reach him, hugged his back as close as she could with her small body. -Thank you. I love you. "He whispered, causing a knot to form in the writer's /br /-I have to go to prepare something hot to drink and bring some medicines.- The pink-hair refused to let /br /-Come here. - He said near the ear. - All I want is for you to stay here. At least a few hours, medicines can /br /It was still early when he saw the clock and saw that the opportunity to return to bed was tempting especially if Shuichi let him settle into his arms. He did not think about it anymore, slowly he pulled up the sheets and settled into his chest. He was not one of those guys who liked to cling and cuddle ... but Shuichi liked it and if the singer liked him, then, he was no one to refuse even though sometimes he insisted so much that it was heavy. Today even he wanted to fulfill the little whim. Without realizing it, they slept a few more /br /He did not really care when he realized it was noon, but he did worry when he heard the cough that the singer was now /br /-Shuichi you must bathe and change your clothes, you are very /br /The singer could still get up but through his slightly red face he realized he might have some fever. While he saw how he was going to bathe, he called the doctor. "It is a serious case of plaques" was what the doctor said when he saw him, he recommended that he stay a few days in bed, an injection of penicillin and some medications. Perfect, now he had to leave Shuichi with a fever and only in the apartment, he thought wryly ... unconsciously he blamed the other hateful writer as if it was he who had forced them to have their /br /But I had to take every possible approach to Minako Takeda, I was stupid, but I wanted to know what his secret was. It had taken him years of study and sacrifice to become the famous writer Yuki Eiri and now someone seemed to have achieved it without visible effort, he became recognized in the exclusive circle of writers for a single book, plus it was several more years Young that he and that, he had to admit, that gave him /br /After taking care that he was dry in bed and with everything he needed by hand, he felt sorry for leaving that way of /br /He arrived at the publishing house and immediately recognized Takeda's brown semi-long hair, he had to admit that he was a very attractive boy, he could not avoid looking at him, he attracted him too much. His skin was milky and contrasted with huge, dark eyes. He was the type who apparently hated hair, from what he had noticed he did not even have in his arms. He must have been Hiro's height and since he was on his back he had a perfect view of his backside. The brunette looked back to look at him and raised his hand in greeting in his direction when he noticed /br /-Sorry for the delay. -The blonde said as they sat /br /-Oh, nothing happens.- The boy answered with a bright smile. -I had to ask for something before you arrived. I hope it does not bother /br /-No problem, although this cafeteria does not have so many good /br /Takeda laughed. " It's true, the pudding looks like cardboard. If you want a recommendation, there is no such thing as a good coffee served in the "Black Jack".br /br /Eiri was a little surprised. -I'm also going to have coffee in that place ... it's weird I never saw you there /br /-Oh seriously? It's that I usually sit at outdoor /br /The blonde that seemed logical that he had not crossed, after all he preferred either the VIP sector or the second floor of the place, depending on whether there were many people or not. Also, it's not like I'm in the place 24 hours a /br /Minako was much more relaxed than the previous time, it was as if she had stopped being the shy person she met. Maybe on that occasion he had caught him by surprise. Now he was even charming and had a smart humor that surprised Eiri more than he /br /They talked about their favorite authors, he was surprised to find that the type of readings that Takeda was a fan of was the kind of literature that was "sickly" or "dense" to him. I knew it was wrong to talk like that of award-winning writers but, for example, Haruki Murakami, Edgar Allan Poe and Stephen King were not to Eiri's liking ... much less resorted to epoch /br /"Honestly, the kind of reading that Edgar Allan Poe offers is not to my /br /-Seriously? - Takeda said something surprised. - I thought that being a recognized writer you would find the narrative of the writer /br /-I admit that the narratives are perfect but I do not like those characters that repeat "I'm not crazy", all the time.- Takeda laughed /br /-Well ... I believe that if that kind of thing happened in reality, any person would not resort to something like "I'm not crazy". In my opinion it is quite realistic. Or what do you think would be what you would say first?br /br /The blond seemed to think. - I think he would say "This is not happening" ... long before I later question myself if I'm crazy. I think I would deny everything that happens to me or perhaps, the boys when they are afraid, the first thing they do Is not it to cover their eyes with a sheet?br /br /Takeda smiled at him, quite pleased with the writer's /br /-Who knows? you can be right He refreshed his bitter coffee, good for the writer anyone who placed only a spoonful of sweetener powder in his cup, was drinking his bitter coffee. Her posture was now safe ... even seductive, which made the blonde think that only when he was caught off guard was his position that of someone shy ... unless he pretended to others in the first place, but could not find reasons to do /br /He was a person with several peculiarities, one that he had seen since he arrived was that he took the labels of the cups, or whatever he had on hand and scraped them until they made them paper on the table. Maybe it was a demonstration of nervousness or /br /He knew why he was there, it could be that this young man also had the same intentions. Try to discover what is the secret of Yuki Eiri's success. Maybe both knew the intentions of the other for that reason both looked at each other in silence for a few seconds, trying to guess who would be left in evidence in the first /br /- What do you inspire to write? - The blonde asked, taking the first /br /-Oh Do you have a block? Asked Takeda receiving a harsh gesture from Yuki .- Sorry. It is not my intention to offend. I also have it sometimes. -I saw how the writer relaxed, although he did not lower his /br /-Let's say that what used to work does not do so well anymore. - He tried to evade the answer .br /br /- I write based on real events. I usually look at research programs or resonant cases all the time. I read writers who write some /br /- But I also found something poetic in your /br /-If that. The writers that I admire tend to do it, that's why I try to make them sound that way. He took a sip of coffee again before speaking, the blond looked at the gesture intently attracted by the elegant and carefree way of movement, of course that look had not gone unnoticed for the /br /They looked at each other for a few seconds directly, until the chestnut trees could not stand the pressure so much that they ended up falling to the blonde's lips. Minako needed to talk to cut that /br /-And what do you rely on to write about?br /br /Eiri still had not finished recovering from the previous moment but he let him win with the change of subject, he knew that he had to be careful with what he said in front of /br /-In /br /- Dreams?br /br /Eiri nodded, that was something he did not tell anyone. His characters always lived, suffered and then were rewarded because people like to believe that if they suffer a lot in life then at some point they will be rewarded with something /br /-In the dreams that people have, in what they want to happen to /br /Takeda narrowed his eyes and the blond laughed internally, told him the truth and as most could get to understand the concept but not apply it even if it sounded simple. It is necessary to unconsciously divide into hundreds of anonymous faces that hold the book in their hands and imagine what they want to happen, which is confused with what the author wants to happen. It is very difficult to achieve objectivity ...br /br /- What is the moment of the day in which you prefer to write? For example, I can not write unless it is at /br /The blond seemed to think for a moment .- I do not have a fixed schedule, I write every time I feel that I have the idea in my /br /They both fell silent again, it seemed that neither one nor the other was achieving an /br /- How did you start writing? - Asked the chestnut tree without really knowing that it had struck a chord, remember the past that yes, had overcome, still made him feel /br /-Nothing spectacular, just in my adolescence I had a tutor who introduced me to reading and from there I started writing. I began to present short stories in literary magazines until I began to be called by publishers. And you?br /br /-Well ... I have to admit that I started writing about three years ago. Before that, I was exclusively dedicated to reading and I started since I was eight years /br /The game was starting to make the blonde impatient, nothing he said helped him at /br /- I understood that you changed editorial. Why was it?br /br /-Well ... there are only three big publishers, it was obvious that I would go with the one that has more influence in /br /Just as that publishing house was the largest in Japan, it was also the most demanding, not many of them could stand the pressure and that's why they left. During the time that followed they continued to interrogate each other, it was worse than an interview with a critic, it was already evident that both shared the feeling of envy towards each other. Eiri could feel that the other boy envied his first sales position ... he certainly believed that he was being overrated. He made that point clear when he stared at him as if he were leaving it in evidence and /br /- Is it true that you go out with that boy?br /br /In such a surprise that Eiri sounded almost violent the change of subject and for a moment the charming smile he had faltered a /br /-Of whom you speak?br /br /-I thought you only went out with one? He paused. " I mean that singer. - He smiled in a way that reminded him of Thouma, that smile that behind there was some hidden intention that he certainly thought he knew. Everyone knew Shuichi ... so why did the idiot make it sound like they were talking about an unimportant person?br /br /-But do you really go out with him? Or it's just a staging for the /br /The blonde frowned, then, was that what everyone thought? That because it was the talk of the media for his private life was that he sold. He always suspected it, but it was different when the person said it /br /-We are really together.- At that moment the look of the chestnut tree was fixed, that told him that he did not believe absolutely anything, well, he was sorry for him if he did not believe him. He offered a slight laugh before responding, following the game of seduction. -Even if we say ... it's complicated. Things are not going as well as everyone /br /He opened the door letting him enter the flirt if he wanted to do it, if he looked at it he could not deny that he would love to take it to bed and by the somewhat indiscreet looks he gave him while he thought he was not paying attention was too /br /The boy opened his eyes only slightly when he heard the previous answer, but his gesture was now pleased with the answer Oh my God! Eiri thought, he just needed to flutter his eyelashes and move his legs so that they touched under the /br /-Your? Do you have a couple?br /br /-I'm gay if that's what you're /br /-I do not do it.- the blonde said although that was what he would surely ask at some /br /He smiled almost mischievously at having discovered it. But currently I am alone in case you are interested in /br /The boy had that feminine air that some gay boys had, the lower lip was stuffed and I could swear that after kissing them and nibbling them they would be more than sexy. The connection and the sexual tension were palpable, I could bet that he was an expert in bed and that there was nothing that seemed perverted enough to that /br /The blond gave a slight look around and noticed how they were the center of attention of some prying eyes. They were the two figures of the publisher and he did not have to forget that his partner was famous /br /-Can we go to a quieter place?br /br /-My apartment is ten minutes from here. And he winked at /br /He proposed faster than he thought ... confirmed his suspicion of how easy that boy /br /- Actually I had thought of another place where they did not recognize /br /-Oh, come on. We both know that what you want is to have me moaning in four below /br /Eiri did not deny that his pants felt tight when he thought about having his white ass being whipped by his balls when he penetrated him. He had to take a deep breath to control himself and Minako laughed with /br /"Come on. " The blonde said before throwing the money on the /br /Almost in one jump Minako followed him. That boy turned out to be a whore in bed, one of the best nights of sex the blond would have shared with someone. After that they both smoked a cigarette and started talking about banalities ... maybe for others, but not for them. The fact that both of them were writers made them find a point of similarity, about the pressures of the editors and how they weighed in their /br /He noticed with some suspicion how Minako tried to meddle in his private life, looking for details about things he did not want to talk about at that moment. He tried to be patient, it was still too early for him to meet the "bad-tempered" Yuki Eiri, who did not like to control his life. So he opted for the loving treatment he gave his /br /When he arrived late at night he found the apartment empty . "Shuichi?" He called more and more worried, it took him a while to realize the note that was on the /br /"Yuki, I took Shuichi to the hospital, I tried to call you but the cell phone was charging, the fever went up and I could not talk, call my cell phone when you get here, Hiro."br /br /Invaded by a feeling of worry and guilt, he ran to get his cell phone to find out where Shuichi had been taken. It took twenty minutes to arrive. Hiro was near the bed, when his eyes crossed with the redhead, he only made a face of disgust. He was going to claim without hesitation, but he would not do it in front of his friend. Everything that would have to be said, would have to wait for /br /He grimaced at her, he understood, he would wait outside. The vocalist was asleep, he had never seen him so pale as at that moment. He sat next to her and held her hand, to tell her he was /br /- Shuichi. - He called low, barely seeing a /br /-Yuki? - Asked inaudibly in such a way that worried the writer more, I could only guess what he was trying to /br /-You can not speak?br /br /As soon as he saw the amethysts under heavy eyelids, the boy shook his head with /br /-It's okay. Do not worry. I'm /br /He remained as much as he could in the room, even a little more than after seeing him asleep with the intravenous placed, he remained with the hope that if he woke up he would be the first one to whom he could ask for anything. Hiro could wait, Shuichi needed it. He cared very little if he thought I was trying to run away from /br /They spent three days in that place, the fever gave way little by little but not the cough, the hairy one told him that his chest hurt but they told him that it was normal due to the effort he made when coughing. He slept uncomfortably in one of the sofas that was next to the Pink-hair but not only that, the noise of the bed by the movement of the boy, who woke him up to ask for water and even take him to the bathroom because he got /br /In one of those moments he noticed how small it was, it weighed almost nothing and the texture was that of almost a /br /During those days he took the opportunity to meet Takeda almost daily during the midday and afternoon, which were the moments when Hiro was going to take care of him. He should take advantage of every moment he could, especially if he did not have a reason to go back to his empty apartment. At least there Minako received him with something prepared, tried to ask why he went so often but Eiri evaded each of the /br /When they were not together they spoke by messages, I could notice the change in the chestnut, I was beginning to feel something for him. Eiri laughed at the thought. Had he fallen in love in less than a week? Well ... if he thought it was not so crazy, Shuichi fell in love with him at first /br / br /-I told him I should leave /br /The guitarist's voice sounded like razors in his ears when he went out for a few minutes for a coffee to stay awake. He did not respond to the /br /-I even got to doubt that you cared to show up around here. After seeing that you left him alone in those /br /-What do you want, Hiro? The blonde interrupted the /br /There was a silence at that moment, as if the redhead did not dare to say what he really /br /-I want you to leave /br /Eiri turned to face him, but Hiro did not /br /-Shuichi knows you're telling me this? -I saw him uncomfortable just a little .- What would happen if he found out that I left him because his best friend asked me to do it? Will you take care of that guilt?br /br /-If you leave ... if you leave now ... -It seemed to look for the words.- He will be able to bear /br /-Why would I have to leave it? - Pressed the writer, why he had to leave the life of the singer .- If Shuichi wanted us to finish our relationship he could tell me. This involves only the two of us. We decided /br /He could see how the guitarist's lips tightened, the murderous desire that came out of him were evident. I would beat him to death if he could. Sometimes the redhead seemed to be the image of the terrible mother-in-law that nobody wants to have, he got so involved in the relationship he had with Shuichi that it was /br / br /br /Eiri remained with those thoughts while he was there, only agreed to leave the next day when he saw that the day was dawning and he needed his laptop to work, to go and find some clothes for both of them and could advance something in his work if he was next to the singer. When he arrived the next day he found the singer awake but still very down, still needed to repeat things two or three times to understand him before surrendering and /br /While writing some summaries, I turned to see the singer who was too distracted with his cell phone. Maybe he should be talking to a friend, he thought he saw that he was too focused on it and smiled from time to /br /- Who are you talking to?br /br /He remembered a little late that he must see him to understand what he meant and the boy's face seemed too serious. The blonde waited for an answer that came in a name written on a "Hiro" /br /-Hello Shuichi How do you feel? - His friend went through the door and as soon as he did, the singer avoided contact with the writer's eyes .- I did not know you were here /br /The guitarist said reproachfully, still ignoring the state of discomfort in Shuichi. The amber eyes were still perched on the Pink-hair face, only to make it clear that he knew he had /br /-What happened? Asked Shuichi's /br /The writer closed his computer with total precision and the hairy looked at him scared, not knowing how to stop it or what to call it. Hiro could only see how his friend tried to stand up and the first tears were visible on the amethysts. The redhead tried to stop his attempt to get out of /br /-Shuichi what are you doing? You still can not get up. - He said while trying to hold him in bed. -Hey! Where are you going? He yelled something embarrassed to the /br /-Have charge of your little /br /-Yuki - It was heard in the air, more than in a voice coming /br /But Eiri no longer turned to look at him. He was a prisoner of indescribable rage, drove to the apartment still aware that he was acting like an idiot but could not help but feel betrayed, to his mind came the memory of when he tried to call him the night that took Mian Yue to the /br /His day went by slowly until he arrived in the afternoon, he did not answer his cell phone and he turned the telephone off again on the wall. He wanted to get out of there, escape and chose to go see his friend Tachibana at the /br /-So ... she said we would /br /That surprised the writer, the joy that showed in the face of his friend threatened to split half the face of a smile. I wanted to hit him. In his head he thought maybe he could share his fucking day with someone, what he least expected was that the other person finally did so well. The last times he had met him, all he talked about was the chance to return to his ex-wife. In the writer's head, he would never understand why someone would want to go back to his ex-partner. If it did not work once, surely neither the second nor the third should do it, right?br /br /"He told me I could go back to the house." He kept talking enthusiastically. " Chisato does not know yet, but I'm sure she'll tell /br /Eiri noticed a glance fixed on him from the corner of his eye and decided to look beyond Tachibana. A young woman with brown hair was with some friends and all of them were together commenting about him, they were young. Tachibana followed the writer's gaze and smiled before facing the writer /br /-That kind of women will be with you until you die and the first thing they will do is go and find someone else. He turned to his drink, avoiding his gaze. " Even when they see you prostrate, they'll make sure they have another as a lover to keep /br /He let the guy continue with his ravings, but his head flew to where Shuichi was. Was the other guy looking after him now that he was not there? The normal reaction was to face it simply, but I did not want to do it because that meant ... well, having to get the dirty laundry out of the relationship. He did not want to do it, rather he did not want to face that he could leave it ... but could he do as if nothing had happened?br /br /-I have to go.- He said placing the money on the counter. He checked his cell phone for the first time when he got into his car, looked for another message that did not say "Shuichi" in the sender. She found herself with another name "Minako Takeda", she finally smiled when she remembered how they had spent that afternoon /br /"Come to my apartment," he wrote without having finished reading what the other one was saying in those messages, but it seemed they still did not have much confidence to talk to him like that, he erased the writing and thought better of the words. He wrote again "Can you come to my apartment?"br /br /He was arriving at the apartment complex where his was, when he noticed the lights on at a distance. He quickly called Takeda to arrange to meet somewhere else, he did not want to go in there to see whatever it was that was there. He looked up while still in the car to see the window, the surprised face that saw a distressed change. It was Shuichi who was looking at him. Had he run away from the hospital? From his position, he could say that he was as sick as he had seen him before. He was pale with dark circles and had trouble standing up, leaned against the window with a mute request to enter but was very hurt, the writer was very hurt by the alleged betrayal. It was all too recent and she did not want to see it now, in her head it was said that if Shuichi had been honest they would not have reached this /br /In front of the totally cold look, Shuichi began to cry, he could clearly see his lips "No. Please, "he repeated. The writer lit the car and left, before he could be fooled by /br / br /br /He decided not to appear again for the department, he rented one for a few days, luckily he always carried his cards with him. It would only be for a few days, enough for the singer to reflect on what he had done. But during that time he continued having encounters with Minako, at first I just wanted to relive that afternoon of pleasure, but after checking that each time I wanted more I was not sure that they were only casual encounters, I wanted to have him as a permanent lover. During that time he visited him almost daily. One of those days in the afternoon was in bed with Minako, who caressed the few hairs on the chest of the /br /-What are you thinking about? - The chestnut asked. Eiri who had his arm around the boy's shoulders did not respond /br /- I just had a bad day. - He was thinking a few moments that with the passing of the days the Pink-hair had stopped gradually being so insistent with the calls and messages. The last one he had received was one that only said "Just tell me if you're okay." That had been the night of a day /br /-Before you tell me something else, do you want me to ask for something to eat?br /br /-Do not. I have to /br /-But ... I thought you would stay. I live alone so there is no problem. Wait until tomorrow to /br /-I can not, /br /-I see ... Is it because of your partner? Is waiting for you?br /br /-I have work to /br /-I can ask you a question?br /br /-Of /br /-Your lover, do you know anything about us? - The writer did not like the word "We" was as if they had a "Relationship" or something beyond /br /-Do not worry about it. He put on the low quality wrinkled shirt he had had to buy because he had not taken anything but the notebook. If he knew, he would not do /br /-Why?br /br /-He also has a /br /-Who would have said that boy was /br /Takeda got up without caring that he was naked, went to the kitchen and /br /- Do you want a honey, wheat or red beer?br /br /He was surprised to learn that he was a beer lover. - One honey will be fine .br /br /The young man arrived with a pack of beers. - Is that all for both of us?br /br /He offered him the beer while lighting a menthol cigarette, which was exactly what the writer /br /-But tell me how long would a relationship like this last? Do they both cheat or agree with it?br /br /-It's a free relationship. At this Minako's eyebrow /br /- For both or for you? - He received a bad look from the blonde .- Sorry, I can not imagine someone accepting that kind of treatment ... I say when it is like that, most resort to trios but they do not last long. And ... they do not make a lover go to his house and then ask him to change the meeting place. - Said the chestnut in the form of /br /-Oh, I'm sorry about that. - He said while looking in his pants for the pack of /br /-Mizuki always talks about him when he can .- Of course the blond thought, she never stopped talking about the virtues of Shuichi when he saw them, it was clear that marked the territory of the singer when the child was not. - He says he's a very good and hyperactive boy, who everyone loves. But you know? I do not see that, what I see is simply a creature full of /br /Internally he was annoyed to think of his interest in the singer, Minako was supposed to think about him, not someone else and less about /br /-You do not know him. You do not know anything about our /br / br /br /Eiri entered the apartment after several days while shuichi stayed in the room watching the television, ignoring him. If that brat wanted to play that child's game, then he would follow it. He walked to the room between a slight wobbling through the corridors, it was not until he was lying down that he felt strange. Strange, that Shuichi had not claimed him for his disappearance of several days. Strange, that he had not spoken to her or at least tried to do /br /Without looking, the bile rose in his throat and ran to the bathroom between arcades. When leaving more relieved he walked towards the room noticing only the light of the /br /He walked with slow steps and looked with his eyes to his lover, who was no longer on the couch but he soon noticed that he was in the motionless kitchen. His stomach tightened at the /br /-Shuichi.- He called making the youngest tense. -What are you doing? - he asked holding back the fury that was invading /br /- Only cleaned .- answered the boy with difficulty in a whisper but it was too late, Eiri had already seen the edge of a knife on the wrist that quickly released on the counter and made noise when hitting the kitchen /br /The boy turned without looking at his face and walked at a fast pace by his side on the way to the room. The blond could not believe what he had seen, he sought in his mind to deny it but it was clear what he had tried to do. Fury invaded him. All those previous times that I had seen the singer in the kitchen ... Shuichi was approaching the sofa where he could notice that he had already placed a pillow and a /br /The writer took some stilts to reach his arm and squeeze it, until he saw some tears come from his /br /-What the hell were you doing? Were you thinking of abandoning me? He said in a stunned way, making time freeze while they both looked at each other. "You will not leave me!" -Rugió scared the pink-hair , trying to get out of the grip .- I will not let you go! You understand?br /br /-Let me loose, you're hurting me! - The pink-hair shouted with a weak voice /br /The blond for the first time felt his muscles tense and his legs /br /-I will not let you /br /-Why?! You were not even here, you did not answer my calls, nor my messages. Nor did you care to know anything. You always disappear like that and you never tell me anything . -The younger child managed to say between a torn tears. - Why are you so selfish ?! The only thing you think is that you do not want to be alone and you are not able to pretend that you care why I want to get away from here. I do not want to continue waiting for /br /Those last words shook his determination as much as his head that /br /-So what are you still doing here? Get out with your damn lover once and for all! Take all your stuff and get out of here! Stop crying a damn time. All you do is cry. If what you want to do is let me get out of here at once, I do not want you to stain my room with your filthy /br /-I'm fine I'm leaving but I want you to know that this is your fault!br /br /-OH clearly how I was going to forget. You could have told your lover to go to the hospital to take care of you instead of bothering me. - He commented sarcastically. The singer ignored the /br /- You were the one who disappeared for days and who knows where you've been!br /br /-Do you want to know if I was with a lover? Because if so, yes I was! Why? What will you say now? What will you claim me? You can calmly go with /br /- Why are you like that? I love you, Yuki. "Now came the victimization," said the blonde. " I do not love anyone else, that's why I can not do anything else. Do not you understand? I love you so much that it hurts, sometimes it does not let me breathe. I think of you ... sometimes I feel that I am so close to hearing that you are going to tell me that you feel the same as me ... but you never say /br /"And that's why you're looking for someone else to tell you? -The writer said without giving up on his /br /-I do not have a damn lover! There is no one else. Why do not you understand ?!br /br /- And who wrote to you then?br /br /-It's someone who is in love with me.- She was still in tears but she was not looking at him anymore. -I do not know ... I like to think that those kinds of things you tell me ... because you never tell me anything. It makes me feel flattered, I like it. You never tell me anything ... I do not even know if I really attract you ... I do not even know why you're still with me if you prefer to be with someone more attractive than /br /The writer was stunned, it seemed a very stupid reaction on his part. He took his forehead trying to understand /br /"Are you trying to tell me that you never met him?br /br /-Are you crazy? I can not do something like that. I can not leave you before I die. You live in my head, and in my dreams you talk to me ... you tell me all those things that I do not hear you tell me but I know that when you do I will be the happiest person in the world. If you did not do it, I would not have to live /br /That face was red from the effort and the crying, there was no doubt that I loved him. That boy was the living image of obsessive devotion to his person, he lived and breathed the writer. The blonde embraced him, moved by Shuichi's /br /But I did not believe him, it was very stupid that I had hidden something like such innocent /br /-I need you to stay, understand? He said loosening the grip on the small body . I needed time to understand what I felt for him. I do not want you to leave /br /-I can not leave you Yuki. The voice at that moment was incredibly empty .br /br /For a moment that blow on the child's words hurt him ... the boy said "I could not quit" ... he had not said "I did not want to leave him". He felt a deep pain in his chest and despite everything he wanted to feel him close. He hugged him waiting for him to feel the pain he felt, hugged him tightly and could not stop tears from /br /Shuichi was telling him that the only way he could stop him was if he /br /Why did he feel that he was going to be abandoned and that he was going to leave him alone? That made him despair. The image of what could have been at that moment if he had not arrived just in time reached his head and although at the beginning he felt angry now he drowned in /br /He could not let the chandelier that was Shuichi in his life go out. He could not conceive the idea that his heart stopped /br /-Don't do it again. Stay with me please. Shuichi covered her face and a loud sob listened. - You said you'd stay with me until the end. Forever. -Insisted already without hiding the /br /"As long as you ask me to stay, I will." He whispered in a voice forced to /br /That night he woke up with the singer about him, they had both fallen asleep on the uncomfortable sofa. It had been total stupidity but I was afraid that Shuichi would leave when he had fallen asleep and leave if he did not have him in his /br /He had his arms down by the waist until resting his hands on his hips, he took the permission to raise Shuichi's shirt to caress something more skin. He had been so afraid, that contact told him that Shuichi was there and relaxed him. He thought it was fortunate that his brother-in-law had given him a few weeks until the singer recovered his voice, he knew that this condition was very delicate in someone who worked with the voice as an /br /He waited a while until he could not stand the position to try to lift him up and take him to rest. I had long seen the singer with so many pressures on him that he was expected to collapse some day and was fully aware that the cause of many of his discomforts was due to /br /"It is a creature full of sadness." It echoed in his /br /Shuichi woke up around noon. There were no claims, there were no sentences of silence, there was no joy and for the first time, Eiri, he wondered if that was really healthy. He had time to think about it and it dawned on him that he never came up with a solution, Shuichi ... he had had a suicide attempt that had only once been seen by the writer, but the other times he saw him in the kitchen, were they too? ? How many things were kept with respect to him or the relationship? How many of those things the singer could not stand?br /br /Possibly Shuichi reacted as if nothing had happened, implicitly forgiving what he knew. That Eiri went to find a lover to spend the night, but ... if he let that happen then, the writer should let him pass something as serious as a suicide attempt?br /br /-We need to talk. - He said interrupting the path of coffee in the boy's /br /"I still do not feel well." He excused himself, his voice not a little more than a whisper. The boy seemed to know about what he wanted to talk /br /-Then listen, it's just a question.- He said trying not to run away from his words.- What happened yesterday ... It was not the first time, right? - The amethysts looked totally empty.- Why did you do it?br /br /-When I saw you through the window ... I asked you to stay and you did not. I thought ... that you were going to leave me. -Terminó confessing quietly but because of the silence that followed he realized he expected to tell him that he would not leave, but the words did not come out immediately, if said at that time, the singer would not believe them. He could only do something that tried to look like a smile but in the end it was just a grimace that later became a tightening of /br /-What about your lover ... Is it true? - He could not stop. He told himself that he would not ask, that he would not press him but the idea that someone else was with him consumed him. There was a deeper silence than the previous one. -I will not be angry if you admit it.- "Lie," he thought. He saw tears rise and he no longer faced his gaze. - I just want to know if it's true. I promise you will not change anything.- "Lie" repeated in his /br /He saw him clench his fists ... he was about to give /br /-Shuichi ... you did not do anything wrong. - "Lie" he said insistently .- You know, right? He reached over and took the smaller hand and showed her a compression face. He approached without releasing it and held it in his chest, the boy cried and guilt filled his face that at the time he hid so that he would not see it in his /br /"It was only once." He listened before she started to cry, clinging harder to his shirt. " I swear it was only /br /He pressed it against his chest giving him comfort on the one hand, while on the other he felt his rage /br /-Who is it? - The small body shuddered suddenly under his grip that was firm and the boy understood that he could not run away. Eiri could read what he was thinking "Why do you want to know?" - I will not do anything to him. I just want to know if it's someone you can /br /The look he gave her told him that he did not completely trust his excuse, although he was sure that he had concealed quite well the gesture of hatred or contempt he felt for that unknown person. I needed to give shape to that dark being that I saw as a shadow, to give a face and name to that imminent threat in the /br /-Shuichi. He sighed and made an attempt to soften his expression . "Tell me. Seriously, there is no /br /-It's a singer from an under band that I met on a /br /He ended up confessing and the blond nodded several times, "Well," the writer said to himself, now he had a loose thread to cling to, for now it was enough with /br /- Do you feel anything for him? -Pressed again against his /br /-Do not. - He answered without hesitation, what he told the writer that he was not /br /-Because you did? -Shuichi seemed almost to cry again at the same moment but he held /br /-Because ... I felt lonely ...- It seemed to look for the words- I know that you go out there with someone and I just hope you come back, that at least you feel some guilt and sometimes I want ... -The tears escaped along with a sob .- you find me dead so you know it was your fault. But until now I was such a coward that I could not do /br /Okay, that was a too twisted thought on Shuichi's part. The blonde understood that the singer was falling into something very sick about him. The amethysts looked at him in a way that looked like the eyes of a /br /-I can not live without you. -He pressed his fists on his shirt.- Before you think about leaving me I kill myself. But before that I'm going to score so much on you, that you will not be able to be with another person without thinking about /br /Maybe he was really quite twisted, too, because he felt some pride at hearing him say that. He understood that he was not healthy, he knew, but he felt something similar. Something inside that was as or more possessive than what Shuichi had /br /-I'll very well hide that lover of yours, Shuichi ... Because he hardly knows who he is, he will be dead. No one is going to take you away from /br /He knew at that moment that Shuichi was happy, his arms were pressed against Eiri and he was not surprised that he did not worry about the fate that awaited the poor bastard who had fallen in the middle of the relationship of two sick and possessive lovers. He had previously shown some concern for that singer but now, apparently, he no longer cared if that meant the writer wanted /br /Shuichi had never shown that twisted side before, at least not as clearly. He asked again "Creature full of sadness?", Shuichi was totally dependent on him and for him, that was not a real /br /They kissed hard as if trying to affirm the aforementioned,  
they embraced and left marks on each other's bodies. Nails, teeth and threats between them. "Nobody will make love to you as I do," said the singer, "You will not look at anyone other than me," said the blond writer. They expressed their dark desires, their poisoned hearts and their inner /br /-I'm so happy.- The child said between moans.- You also feel like me, do not you? You also love me with madness. Eiri did not respond, just rammed it and buried his face in his neck, clinging to get deeper . "I know. I know ... I /br /It was the closest thing that Shuichi could ever get from a statement but as long as he understood everything was /br / br /br / br /br /It was barely past noon when they decided that they could eat in bed, they wanted to laze around as if outside that place there was nothing else. They took the singer's laptop to bed to watch some series. The singer's cell phone rang several times cutting the air but Shuichi turned it off in front of the /br /- How do you feel your throat?br /br /- It still hurts to talk, I hardly get up I have no voice at /br /-Do you think you'll be any better tomorrow?br /br /The singer looked at him, trying to find the reason .- Will we go to the appointment?br /br /The writer nodded with a smile, Shuichi bounced several times on the bed before jumping into his arms and plunging his face into his chest. He told him that they would have to be discreet again so they would not recognize them, but Shuichi had not forgotten the /br /The blond watched him prepare himself in advance, placed several medications in case he felt bad. At night he had not rested well because he heard him cough repeatedly, it was not until dawn that he got up and warmed the singer's chest and back. He took out a cap and glasses, made an attempt to dress normally but always failed to do so. He had dressed in clothes so black that he seemed more suspicious in the crowd and that added to the fact that the writer also seemed out of the mafia, the people around him walked /br /But they did not care, they were willing to let that happen if this day became an unforgettable one for both. They went to the movies to watch a 3D movie, considering that a dark environment was necessary to enjoy some privacy. Eiri considered in a good way sometimes to go out with a boy like in that moment, they watched an action movie that both enjoyed. Then they went to walk around places where they sold sleeves, Shuichi adored them and if he did, the writer thought it was /br /They thought about going to eat but they were cowed by the idea that they saw them, it was not as if they could go to eat with their glasses and their caps on, they were not well-dressed enough to go to a high-class place. To alleviate the hunger they bought food in street stalls and both admitted to miss eating the fast food they sold in those places. They even laughed when they remembered the poor quality of some of /br /They arrived at the apartment with several bags that barely crossed the door and threw them on the sofa in the living room. They showered together and it was inevitable that they did not want to feel, after all each touch made them want more. They enjoyed passionately each touch, kiss, bite, thrust as the water fell on /br /At night the blonde felt some guilt for not having written anything again, but it did not worry him more than that. The next day he would take care of it. Now it only mattered the body that rested on his chest even with wet hair, it seemed so calm there. He tried to cover himself with the sheet to his shoulder before falling asleep, but the writer would not let him, told him to leave it to his waist. His lover did not contradict him when he stopped him and he did not ask the reason either, although he supposed he knew as much as he /br /He did it so that his eyes could traverse the figure from his shoulders to the curve of his waist and hips, his fingers tracing patterns blurred by the column. It was so beautiful when it was that way and in that position, it was like watching a provocative sculpture without becoming obscene. The writer was not so attracted to the body simply naked, but he was attracted by the provocation and Shuichi was one of the most provocative people he had ever met. Sometimes he did it intentionally but sometimes, most of the time, he was unaware of the havoc it /br /It was sometimes something hypnotic when sitting at the table to write and trying to put a face of deep concentration. His thick lips did not take long to catch the poor pencil in his mouth and almost insistently bit the tip, sometimes what suffered this agony was when he ate ice cream and always ended up with his face stained. Sometimes he stretched and his fine muscles were marked under tight /br /The morning appeared and with it a tentative bad mood, unconsciously had a mental list armed with everything he had to do that day. He tried to move Shuichi aside without waking him, that night the boy had moved too much for his taste, he had talked nonsense and it was just a miracle that he had not thrown him out of /br /-Yuki.- He listened when he arrived at the door only to realize that he was calling him in the middle of a dream while looking for his warmth in the bed. He smiled when he saw him frown slightly when he did not find it, but he simply embraced the writer's pillow and fell back into deep /br /He locked himself for a long time moving forward with some of his ideas, being interrupted a couple of times by the singer who seemed to have recovered his voice. He threw a cigarette butt in his ashtray but something caught his attention, on the edge of the screen of his laptop the small photo stuck on the first date he had with Shuichi was slightly detached at the edges, as if they had scraped and returned to paste. For the rest that would be insignificant but not for him who did not usually do that kind of thing and did not believe that the singer did, had argued several times because he used his laptop to play and ultimately he decided to buy his own. Well I knew that Shuichi had other photos, more than enough, then I would ask him for another /br /He noticed some messages on his cell phone, laughed at feeling more solicitous than usual. His brother-in-law asking as much about Shuichi as about him, his sister saying something similar, his editor pushing for a decision between the ideas she offered and finally, her mistress on the turn, Minako Takeda asking when they could meet /br /But just that day I did not feel like it, I just wanted to laze around. Late at night he went to the bar, the look that Shuichi gave him told him that he did not like the idea and after biting his lip with fury he let him know. "We only have one weekend to be together before going back to work. Why do you have to go to the bar to get drunk?", "Because I like to go out", "If you like to go out alone you could go for a walk around the square and not necessarily go to a bar ligue "," I did not say I was going to go to flirt "," Of course not, that is implied "," Shuichi enough, I'll only go with a friend for a few drinks "," You do not have Friends "The blonde looked at him with a smile" Do you want me to bring you a picture? "" It's not funny I ever found out that you're cheating, there's not going to be a next time. Do you understand? "The blond approached his possessive lover and kissed his forehead. "I will not do it. I'll just go for a few drinks to clear my mind. Then I will return "br /br /At the bar he was surprised not to find Tachibana and when he asked the bartender he told him that in that week he had not appeared. Eiri was surprised, surely reconciliation with his wife if it would have worked as he had looked for so long. Apparently he was not the only one who was happy, toasted in silence for him, wishing him the best. After an hour the place seemed boring, he had no one to chat with and he had never asked Tachibana for his number, he paid and went home with his /br / br /br /The days passed between time with his lover and writing. He thought that maybe he could behave as he should while the singer was there, he only had contact with Minako. Fortunately, with that writer he shared more than sex, but they shared a philosophical point of view. Smart talks accompanied by good sex. It was not to disparage Shuichi but in that sense he was lacking a lot. His loving writer, understood the pressures they went through, advised him and even shared his thoughts about the environment in which they were handled. For that young man there was nothing humiliating, or anything extremely reckless as far as sex was /br /For a moment, for just a moment he found the truth that Minako was knowing much more about him than the singer. They were becoming close, the suspicions and doubts of the beginning, began to disappear between sheets and /br / br /br /On Sunday the singer asked him to take a walk, he thought it was a very bad idea, the simple mention gave him a knot in the stomach but the boy told him that in the week they would have the premiere of their new single and that they could not pass time together. They went for a walk with the car to the shopping centers, again, resorting to black clothes to /br /When they finally decided to return a woman approached the couple, she was dressed normal enough not to call them attention until she was in front of them. His hair was tied in a poorly made bun and his pale sick face was accompanied by dark circles under his eyes. There was something wrong with her, the way she leaned a little forward and her posture told them she was not willing to let them pass. The writer stepped forward to Shuichi who felt a little uneasy and it took him no more than a few seconds to recognize the /br /-How are you Eiri? I'm fine, thank you for /br /Due to the familiarity used by the woman, despite the sarcastic tone, Shuichi pressed his lips together and took a defensive /br /-Shuichi sees the car.- The boy remained in his place. -Shuichi!br /br /- So this is your famous lover? At last we know each other face to face. She stretched out her hand to supposedly shake the singer's, and Eiri remained in front of her, preventing her from getting any closer than necessary to the /br /-You do not have anything to do here, so get /br /- Why? Do not tell me you did not tell him the good news. - He pretended innocence. - Did you know that Eiri was going to be a dad?br /br /The color of the singer's face disappeared but he did not say a /br /-Shut!br /br /-Why? Do not tell me you did not tell /br /-Go away! He yelled as he held her by the arm and pushed her back, after which she came closer, even entering the writer's personal /br /She instead began to push him to approach the Pink-hair who looked at her like someone who sees something /br /-By this son of a bitch I was hospitalized alone in a hospital because he did not have enough eggs to take care of. But you know how he solves all this?br /br /-Let you go! - The look of some passersby was curious and others disapproving even if they did not know what it /br /-He brings his lovers aaaalll them to a clinic to perform an abortion. - He shouted exaggeratedly for all the occasional spectators to listen. - Because of this guy, I was interned for three weeks in a damn hospital. My husband left me and now I can not have any more /br /- Stop making a fuss! -The writer threatened her by holding her /br /-I told you that if I sank, you would too. - Clenching your /br /"Ey leave her" was heard from a distance a voice that stood out above the others. The writer looked around noticing that they were being dangerously the center of attention. He released her immediately and turned the young man behind him without any /br /- Do you have a minimal idea of the size of the harem of this type? He continued to provoke the singer. Eiri noticed that they had stayed longer than necessary, took the arm of Shuichi who let himself drive in a trance, looking with empty eyes as he was dragged. - I was not the only /br /He felt him shudder at the last words, dragged him still being followed by the /br /- Two more women suffered the same as /br /They had only gone a few meters when she said it, the blond turned abruptly to Mian Yue and was about to raise his hand, if it was not because he reacted just in time to where they /br /- That does not have to see a shit with me! -The singer shouted leaving her speechless and stopping Eiri's walk.- This has nothing to do with me!br /br /- That is not Shuichi Shindou? - The murmur began to rise with a little disbelief, heard as some voices began to also recognize that he was Yuki Eiri. "This is going wrong" he barely looked around for a few seconds, looking into the triumphant eyes of Mian Yue and when he turned to see Shuichi he let go of his grip and ran off in a race in the opposite direction of the /br /He did not hesitate to leave behind him leaving everyone behind, he knew that she would not follow them after all, he had succeeded. Shuichi was much faster than him, he knew he had no chance to reach him, so he decided to go for his car. He knew the only way he would return, after all they were far from home. He drove for ten minutes before finding him walking to the side of the street in an exhausted /br /-Get in the car.- Shuichi ignored him but it was obvious that he had noticed it even before he called him. -Shuichi goes up - The boy kept /br /-I do not /br /-What do you intend to walk to Tokyo?br /br /br /- It's two hours walking and it's getting dark. Your backpack is in the back /br /-I do not care. He said /br /-Shuichi. You are being irrational ...br /br /-Seriously? I'm being irrational ?!br /br /The singer's steps stopped abruptly, the car slowed down and a look of weariness with hatred stuck in him, only in that moment did he realize what he had said. He swallowed audibly without knowing how to solve /br /-If you do not want to talk, we can do it when we arrive but please get in the /br /The singer thought before doing it but it ended up going up, I would not tell him that he was crying but he did not need his swollen lips told him that he bit them, his cheeks were red and there were still tears on his eyelashes. He had long since removed his glasses but resisted the temptation to ask where he had left /br /-You're stupid? How is it possible that you did not take care of yourself? -Reclaimed the GET pink-hair. - Do you have any idea how many studies I've been doing in the year?br /br /-I was drunk . He tried to justify himself in vain for his /br /-Seriously? The three times you were drunk? Oh guard, that the writer Yuki Eiri does not get drunk because if you are not going to populate Japan whole .- said sarcastically the singer making the blond's teeth grin .- The only thing missing is that some illegitimate child appears in the apartment. -When seeing the silence of the blond added with malice.- Oh I'm sorry, it's true, you have them aborted. Tell me how much money does Yuki cost that year? Because I do not think so much as a condom in the pharmacy. I can not believe you're such an idiot!br /br /-It's enough Shuichi! He screamed, but unlike other times the singer was also willing to face /br /-I do not give a shit if you leave all the women in the world pregnant! The only thing I ask is that you take care of yourself, I do not want you to hit /br /-I'm not an /br /-Seriously? Let me doubt this time. He placed himself on his side to face the amber stare as much as his seatbelt allowed . - Is there anything else I should know?br /br /-Do not. I do not know what are you talking about. And I really did not know what he /br /He saw him hit the roof of the car with violence, he had never seen something like that before. He was furious, he did not know what he wanted him to say, he did not know what answer he should give him. He looked at it every time he could with a stupefied gesture but apparently individually had decided to end the talk. As soon as he arrived, he saw him open the door and stride, throw the backpack violently into the hall and lock himself in the room, slamming the door for a long time before he could reach the /br / br /br /Shortly after what happened the singer began to look strange. He spoke only what was necessary, he no longer slept with the writer, his face always seemed angry and showed no intentions of wanting to talk about what had happened. He went to work before the writer woke up and came back too late to avoid it, the pink hair began to appear irregular and careless. Sometimes his own face was /br /He rejected all contact with the blonde, even going so far as to leave a cup of coffee falling to the ground just because his hands collided. Those attitudes began to make holes in Eiri's stomach, each rejection made him feel a hole and a pain in his heart. He had never shown such repulsion to his person as he did at that /br /He had noticed that the boy had no resistance to drinking, but he had also begun to drink. Sometimes I had a bottle in the hands of /br /That night he waited for him awake in the living room, sitting on the sofa that Shuichi used to sleep. When he saw him cross the threshold of the door he was going to say something but his head went blank, then the boy /br /-Eiri, we have a /br /The blond grimaced at the mention of his name in the same sentence as the word "problem."br /br /-I /br /-I do not see that you feel some guilt or regret ... what's more, I see your face and I do not even know what you're thinking /br /-Just ask /br /- There are many things I want to ask. He said without abandoning a firm and hard /br /- Nobody hurries us Shuichi. But if I answer ... you'll have to do it too. The expression of hardness on Shuichi's face faltered before he nodded /br /- Why are you still with me?br /br /-I thought we had already talked about /br /A tear of rage ran down Shuichi's face. -Responde damn it.- He said with clenched teeth and fists. The blond hated to see it like that. - Give me a fucking reason Yuki!br /br /The writer could not give him a convincing reason, he felt comfortable and good in his company. I did not want him to leave ... but the singer was waiting for me to tell him that I loved him, that I loved him. This was wrong, the first question and I could not answer /br /- Do you want to be with me or with her ?!br /br /-What?br /br /- Do you want to be with me or with her? He repeated, observing how the supposed calm was giving way to anger and /br /-With you! He yelled almost desperate for what he was seeing. He could never bear Shuichi's hatred towards him, not Shuichi' /br /-Then why can not I be just me? -Newly he remained silent, he got up from the chair but did not move forward. Shuichi was shaking, the situation was overcoming him. -Why the fuck do I have to share with the others ?! Why am I not enough? - His voice became monotonous and empty, as if the initial anger had gone off. - Why am I not enough?br /br /The situation surpassed him too, he could not see Shuichi's attitude, he was desperate to see his face and could not comfort him, he could not answer. I could not hug him. He felt the first tears running down his face but this only made him uncomfortable /br /He got up from the sofa and walked to his study leaving the singer standing in the living room somewhat drunk, his face empty. He went to his studio where he searched for a particular book and sat down to read it. He was one of the many that he already knew so well, one that his sensei had recommended to him when he was under his tutorship. Shuichi entered his studio without knocking, he raised his gaze to the hairy one and went towards him and tried to say something that ended up dying on his lips when he fixed his eyes on the book in his hands. Of course I knew who the book belonged to, of course I knew that there were things in the leaves that reminded him of Kitazawa /br /He was sure he did not want to do it, he was sure there was no bad intention. He was sure that the edge of that knife was not for him but for himself ...br /br /He just pounced on the writer, it was not until he felt the throbbing pain in a right-hand state that he noticed what had happened. "Shui ... chi" called the other who began to cry "What did you do?" At that moment the terror was present in his face, still kept both hands on the knife but did not escape if not leaning on his chest in the middle of tears. "Why can not I just be me?" He asked in a voice full of /br / /p 


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